I would like to ask you a very important question about how you "Measure" your life. I probably need to explain what I mean by measuring your life here.
When we get out of bed each morning we immediately go on "Auto Pilot". Our routine kicks in and we essentially go through the motions of daily living. Yes, there are days when our children wake up ill, we have a flat tire or some other normal thing happens which we usually perceive as ruining our day. I'm talking about "elevating" ones self to a place of "EXPERT" in every facet of life and business.
Many years ago I learned that to be an expert in any field we need to have on an average of 5 years of experience in constant exposure to some topic or activity in order to become an expert.
So what are you an expert in? No, not opinionated in, expert in. No, not dead set against something, expert in.
Have you made yourself the sole measure of things in life?
Are you measuring everyone and everything in your life against who you are and what you do?
This is a very dangerous place to be.
You probably know someone like this and you most likely hate them.
Hold up that mirror to your own face and see if that same person you dislike so much is reflected back.
What can you do to step back and down off of this judging platform you have elevated yourself to?
Acknowledge that you do not have all the answers. What you do have are words that come out like this: "…..it has been my experience in the past that………"
Acknowledge that you do not have the solutions. What you do have are these: "…….in my line of work, I see this day in and day out….." or "….in my work in the……..this is how I (or we) handle this situation………"
Do you hear how different those statements are than pontificating your wisdom or lack of wisdom on those who interact with you?
Today, change just one of your own "sole measuring" statements and see what a different response you get.
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I was recently made aware again of the brevity of life by the death that impacted someone close to me. As I offered my condolences, we discussed how as a society we are obsessed with youth and that we rarely if ever talk about death and our own death especially. As we talked I spoke about the word "Transition" and how when we encounter transition we always see it as a challenge, a problem, a hurdle if you will. We rarely see any transition as a natural part of the evolution of our own lives. Think about this for a moment. You have probably already been through many transitions in your own life.
You transitioned from the womb into the light of your own life with your first breath
You were in diapers and laying flat on your back and now you go to the bathroom all by yourself and walk
Elementary school gave way to middle school and that transitioned to High School and you exited into the big wide world
You didn't know how to drive and then you learned and then you learned what happens when you don't pay attention while driving
You once has a gorgeous tight body and through the years you have let things go and now look what you have
So you see we are all in a state of transition every moment of our lives.
Here are the "Seasons" of Life from my new book EVE Reclaim Your Power:
In the SPRING SEASON of your life you:
Young Single Adult
Married Young Adult
Divorced Young Adult
Just reading this brings up some dismay in some of you, I'm sure.
In the SUMMER SEASON of our life you:
Married Adult with children
Married Adult without children
Single Adult Parent with children
Single Adult Parent without children
I can hear you now…..each of these listings are very specific in their challenges and their transitional periods.
In the FALL SEASON of our lives we:
Married Adult – Empty Nester w/older adult children
Divorce Adult – Empty Nester w/older adult children
Single Adult
Married Adult with grandchildren
Single/divorced with grandchildren
Each of these is indeed a time when we feel like our lives have ended for sure if we have lived in the definition of what it means to be a "Mother" or to be a "Grandmother".
In the WINTER SEASON of our lives we:
Married Senior who is retired.
Divorced Senior who is retired.
Single Senior who is retired.
Widow/Widower
Another season with the harsh truth of reality that we all end our working careers and face the death of friends, siblings, partners and our own mortality.
Yet, we never seem to think about these "Transitional" periods in our lives until they are upon us. Yes, I know you have an IRA, but really have you mapped out how you are going to…….Yes,you may have savings to live off of when you reach that magic age, but have you run the numbers?…….
Knowing when these dates are for you is one way that you can plan for the time when that child will graduate and move away from home and suddenly in an instant your home feels big, empty and lonely. That same feeling grips us after divorce, a wedding, and a death. How many months or years do you have left to make an impact on your youngest child? How many months or years do you have left to build that retirement fund before you retire?
Transitions through the seasons of our lives are a natural part of living.
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Today is Memorial Day. It is not a time to jump for joy that your office is closed or that the children are out of school or to shop super sales, cook hot dogs or to jmup in the family car to begin the summer get away season. As Americans we have become a nation which does not honor the sacrifice and death that has made it possible for us to have this national holiday. If you are someone who abhors war then this is a day that you should celebrate. Without the deaths of those who have gone before you, you would not have the freedom to stand up and oppose war for the sake of war. Without those deaths from the past 250 years, you might not be under the flag of the United States, but some other country. Many times in our history we could have just as easily been English, French, Spanish or under the flag of Mexico.
Memorial Day started as an event to honor Union soldiers, who had died during the American Civil War. In the south decorating a grave for the purposes of remembrance is called "Decoration Day". When I was a child I can remember my grandmother talking about "Decoration Day" and what she had to prepare for that day. It wasn't until 1971 that the date we set aside to honor and remember was established to be the last Monday in May when we honor all of those who have served, fought and died in the defense and preservation of this country, known as Memorial Day.
How do we observe Memorial Day in the United States? Traditionally we fly our fags of the United States at half mast from dawn until noon. People visit cemeteries and memorials to honor all those who have died in military service and traditionally place a flag there in the ground at the grave site. Parades are also held in some parts of the United States.
Last week a veteran solider was standing outside my local supermarket with his donation can and the traditional red poppy. I watched as person after person zoomed by him without looking at him, donating or saying "Thank You". I felt ashamed and saddened by the lack of respect shown for what the man stood for and why he was standing there. If you are one of the thousands who have been touched by a loved on or someone you know that has been killed in the service of our country, you would have a different take on this National Holiday. When I came up to him and looked him in the eye and gave him my donation and he gave me my poppy I felt proud to have acknowledged him and what he stood for standing there.
Each of us comes into the world naked and without knowledge. Each of us will leave this world through death, and there is no escaping it. With each breath you breathe today is another moment closer to your own death. How will you be remembered for what you did for someone, for your country, for your community, for your……
Stop today and educate yourself and your children and say thank you if you have the chance. Go to your local cemetery and I know you will find plenty of graves with flags on them this day. If you know someone who is in the military service in your business, neighborhood or family, call them up and say thank you for their service to you.
I have lived a great deal of my youth outside of the United States and I know what it is like to be outside of her borders and to be the stranger in a strange land. Our military servicemen and women are living that everyday and risking their lives in service to you and to me.
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