When I was a young mother and I began to feel fried and frenzied instead of happy and joyful for what I had; I would often step out of where I was and what I found myself thinking and doing and take a different perspective of the whole thing. This isn't a bad thing to do when you feel yourself loosing it over something that is in all reality small. When we get overwhelmed and especially at night everything, and I do mean everything seems to be bigger and badder (I know that's not a word, but you follow!). Things seem to grow beyond that which we can comprehend and understand and we go into that ugly place where we ever hate ourselves.
What can you do ?
My biggest suggestion is to just S T O P! Stop what ever you are doing and disconnect from it. Yes, you can, even with small children. S T O P. When you stop and remove yourself from the situation you disconnect your mental hampster wheel and if you can get some distance in the fresh air into your body, the blood starts pumping and you clean out the toxic and regain mental space to deal. I've bundled those precious ones up and put them in the stroller and walked around and around a cul-de-sac, down the street around a patio or just gone outside and sat in a chair looking up at the stars and just letting all that fried stuff drip off of me and onto the ground. You know pretty soon (maybe 10 minutes or so, you will notice your breathing changes and that rapid pulse has slowed and you feel almost sleepy because you have been on an adrenaline high and now there is a let down.
When you feel fried during this holiday season; stop all the "to dos" for 24 hours and work with what is in front of you. Here's what I mean. If you are just piling up the packages at your front door from the delivery service, stop. Open the packaged and gift wrap it and joyfully write the name tag and be thankful for the ability to buy the gift, to wrap it and to give it to your loved one. Then place it under the tree. Here's a great skill that I learned a long, long time ago. When you buy a gift – wrap a gift. If you do bulk shopping all in one day or one weekend. Take your gift stickers with you and place the sticker on the gift as you buy it. How many of you have gotten home and not know what was for whom? Oh, yes it does happen. If you are giving just one gift, be extra thoughtful about the gift and wrap it beautifully.
Being joyful does not take any more effort than being fried. One lifts you us and the other exhausts you.
To recap:
When you feel overwhelmed and fried: S T O P! Disconnect from the environment. Move and get some fresh air.
When your to do list is overwhelming you: S T O P for 24 hours and process what you have in front of you or most likely what's in the shopping bags in the closet, basement, garage, trunk or attic.
One more very big thing here is; only do those things that your family cherishes. I would suggest a family breakfast meeting. Let everyone tell you what they love most about this time of year. It may be far less than your to do list suggests and my guess is if you do only those things which are meaningful to those you love; you will have a more joyful holiday season from Halloween through New Year's Day.
What do you think?
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I am actually happy to say that I mute all frenzied advertisements on TV forever. They leave me confused, putting tissue in my ears and they are anything but a feast for my eyes. Black Friday, why would you subject yourself to such torture over a purchase? Perhaps it is the need to be a part of humanity in the throws of something. Are you looking to get a "RUSH" out of the frenzied experience? I just don't get it. The same effect is seen on December 26th. Another day of frenzied, crying frustrated shopper trying to do ….. what?
Here's w
hat I know, if the giving of the gift is perceived as a job you have to do; then do not do it.
The gift is suppose to be given with thoughtfulness and is something that the person would not purchase for themselves or that they perhaps need in order to lift them up in spirit. It is wrapped in love and presented with the reward being seeing the joy it brings to the recipient.
If this is not your experience, then you are truly out of sync with things. Your are following the frenzied marketing of the stores which are not looking for the same thing you are at all. Marketing and copy writing and sales techniques have never in our history been so important and plugged into your subconscious. We all fall victim to a gentle snow fall with hats, mittens and a cup of bouffant whipped cream on top of steaming cocoa. When was the last time you did that? I am pretty sure you tear open a prepackaged dehydrated marshmallows concoction and add hot water. Am I right?
The joyful celebration of just being able to hold a loved one. Talk to a longtime friend whom you may see only occasionally, or to share a delicious meal that you have lovingly prepared is far more important than a station wagon full of gifts that are discarded by the new year.
I have been reminded again of how starved we all are of meaningful traditions. Our family has a lovely tradition for Thanksgiving that we do. I started this tradition in order to literally teach what Thanksgiving was all about to those at our table who had never experienced the holiday. It is really quite simple. I light a small candle and say what I am thankful for and I light the person's candle next to me and they do their own thankful thing and we go around the table. When people who customarily reject meaningful traditions that actually have them think and tug at their hearts, their reaction is to make snide remarks or tell jokes. Only those who are uncomfortable with this type of inner celebration are uncomfortable. The others sit in stunned wonder as to what has just happened and seem awkward and don't know what to do next. We also have something that we do at Christmas and on New Year's Day. All very unique. All very our family. All very special and meaningful. I know I have said this many times before, but I will keep saying it again and again; these are the very things which build strong families and strong relationships, just as mediocre things and no traditions leave families empty and they only have the frenzied hours, unmet expectations of what they thought would happen and a credit card debt which they reject, deplore and hate well past next August!
Too harsh? I do not believe so. It is probably more true than you suspect.
I see it and hear it in the voices of my clients all the time. Once school starts there is a growing restlessness that begins and it gets to a fever pitch around the last Friday in November and then falls off of the cliff come December 1st.
Next time I will talk about how to know if you are fried or joyful.
I welcome your comments.
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What does this day mean to you? It may bring on full blown anxiety at the prospect of preparing what is deemed a culinary feat for some and others it may bring a day full of nostalgia and family traditions.b If you are not from the US this day may be one of many which baffles you and causes you much distress trying to do something that has no immediate connection to you, your heritage, or your own cultural culinary skills.
Two weeks ago, I was in my local supermarket and I was trailing behind a two individuals who where trying to decipher a list of items for the shopper. I do not tell this story to be condescending or cruel, I tell it to illustrate my point here. The supermarket employee had "the list" and was running from isle to isle showing the buyer the items on the list. The buyer would stop the cart and look at the item and ask: "…what do I do with this?…"; the employee would say: "…you eat it with the turkey…." and then raised his eyebrows and the shopper nodded and he tossed it in her cart.
I crossed paths with these two for 20 minutes and I finally looked into this shopper's cart and saw a cart full of items that baffled even me, a seasoned Thanksgiving feast aficionado. I wanted so badly to stop this woman and ask her several questions, but I didn't. I just am really wondering how she is making out today; Thanksgiving.
I remember my very first Thanksgiving feast; I was a sophomore in college and I didn't have the funds to fly home, so my Mom gave me the recipes and my grandparents bought the ingredients and I showed up to cook. Much like the woman in the story above. I had the list, the recipes and the food, but I had never attempted to cook the entire meal myself. In our family my job was the stuffing, so I was confident about that one dish. To top it all off, we had a house guest. A student from another country who had no where to go on Thanksgiving and had never seen a turkey.
The meal turned out to be perfect. The student later became my husband and Thanksgiving is his favorite American holiday…..I wonder why?! My grandparents gave a glowing review to my parents and my culinary ego was kicked into the stratosphere! If I can cook Thanksgiving dinner, I can cook anything.
Since that Thanksgiving long ago, we have always had a bevy of new friends, family and those who have never seen a turkey at the table to share our meal of thanks. I began a tradition when our family was very young to bring the true meaning of the holiday to those who sat at our table.
I use candle clips and attach on to each plate with a small red or green candle in the clip. Once every one is seated, I begin by lighting my candle and I model the following: "….I light my candle and give thanks for……(then I saw several things that I am thankful for)…..". I then turn to my right and unclip my candle to light the person to my right candle and then do the same thing. I purposely put all the new people at my left so that by the time the candle lighting gets to them they know what to do and have had time to think of something. Then we same "Amen" and blow out our candles.
I especially like to look at the faces of our guests who have never experienced this and see their reaction to a family tradition.
What is your Thanksgiving Tradition?
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