We all have professional relationships and these come in many different forms, but what do you actually believe about those professional relationships?
Straight forward, complicated, a tangled mess, top down, peer and sideways, or something else like distant only at conferences once a year. What is our professional relationship and what do they look like?
Here's something that I coach clients on all the time and that is that when they are making decisions which will impact past, current and all future professional relationships they fail to consider three outcomes to their decision making process.
Outcome number one: If I decide "yes" to a decision what impact will that have on my previous professional relationships? On the surface this may seem like one of those; "Who cares what someone in my past thinks about this decision, it is none of their business!" When in reality, you may have to go back to that person and ask them for a reference, perhaps they will now be your customer, perhaps they are now a perfect partner or affiliate, they may be your direct competition, and they may have great influence in a space that you had no idea they were in due to your relationship with them.
Outcome number two: If you decide "no" to a decision what impact will that have on my professional relationships that I currently have? Once again on the surface you may just blow off this whole topic, but it has direct implications to your ability to earn an income, future growth and vision as to where you want to be in 5 years or 10 years down the road. Our professional relationships are great catalysts to our professional lives. A decision of no, can also mean that you are timid in your skills, ability to do something a new venture may require, that you are afraid of change, a move, a whole new environment in your work place. Perhaps a no is based on your family, spouse, debt and other factors.
Outcome number three: If you decide to "stall" or make no decision at all and just wait for some imaginary thing to be in place and you do not know what that thing is; you are deciding "no". I have heard phrases like: "…the time isn't right for me…."; my answer to that is: "….opportunity only knocks once….in these cases…."; "…..I need to be…….."; my answer to that is: "……you will never be any more ready than you are at this moment…."; and my personal favorite: "…..I'm just not sure…….."; my answer is: "….if you are not sure right now, you will not be sure tomorrow, next month or next year…."
We all think we know what is best for us and that we are at the helm of our might professional vessel and we decide where it will go. In reality, it is what we believe about those professional relationships which drive our professional relationships. If you aren't out there keeping in touch with each and every one of them that can make a difference or more your professional career, you are not attending to your future.
When you travel to any city, look in your list of contacts and see who you know. Send an email or call them and schedule just a short 1:1 visit, coffee, a quick meal and you pay. If you are attending a conference look at the list of attendees and see who is coming that you know. Make contact and reacquaint yourself. Give before you ask for something. Above all do not brag or be condescending about another person or company. That person or company my be your contacts new customer or friend. Lives and relationships are in a constant state of flux.
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Relationships is another very important life area that we live with daily. At our core we are relational beings. We get lonely. We need human interaction from time to time in order to feel. This specific designation within relationships is very important. It is one half of our personal relationship. The other half is our intimate relationships.
Today let's talk about or "Social Relationships". What does that mean to you? For most of us these are the people that we know a little more about than say our dentist or our someone in our professional association. We know personal things about them, but not too much like a close friend. Maybe we meet up after work or we might go to a social activity with them.
What do you believe about your own social relationships?
Why do you hold that belief?
What do think is important about having a belief about your social relationships?
Where did you learn this belief?
Maybe when you were an impressionable age your parents told you who was someone you could socialize with and those who were not appropriate for you. I'm sure you did, many of us had our minds made up for us by wiser more prevailing minds who also held the curfew over our heads if we did not comply. When you were old enough and "out from under", did you run over there and taste those forbidden waters just to see if what you were told was true?
You're not alone. I'm betting that most of us do to some extent, but in the end we all have to decide for ourselves as adults what we belief about this area of our lives and how we will conduct ourselves in our own self interest and self preservation. I remember when this was hammered home for me, I was in my 30's and someone I thought was a social friend, turned on me, my family and created havoc for years and then suddenly just disappeared. I was left wondering what happened to that person. How could like have been so bad for them that they had to ruin the lives of many others and then disappear? I do not have the answer to that this question to this day, but I do have a belief now about my social relationships that until that time in my life I had not formed as an adult. I have honed it over the years and I can say it has never failed me yet.
What about you? Think about this one.
Let me know what you come up with.
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Over the past couple of weeks I have been posting on the twelve life areas that I coach on in my coaching practice. Today is one which many struggle with and that is the life area of: Family and Parenting. Unfortunately, none of us came out of our mother's womb with an instruction booklet and even if we did, I doubt that any new mother would have the energy to read every page once that newborn enters into her world. So the inevitable question arises here as in previous life areas: "What do you believe about family and parenting?"
When we get married we bring with us about 6 sets of ideas about parenting from our side and our spouse another 6 and you have a huge opinionated bunch of people who are all telling you what is best for your family. So where did you learn your parenting skills? Whose beliefs will you use? What happens when you run head long into an obstinate teenager who pushes every button and tests every boundary you set out?
If you are like most, during your pregnancy, you read every book and magazine and blog you can get your hands on so that you "do the right thing" (I'd like to challenge you on this mindset….no one can do it right…because there is no right, only the story you tell yourself). Then you give birth and you find out that this is way more than you ever imagined and wonder what you have gotten yourself into.
So again, I ask: What do you believe about family/parenting?
Why do you hold this belief?
Where did this belief come from?
How are you and your spouse going to deal with the inevitable discord that will arise over child rearing and family life?
Most of us stumble and make mistakes and manage to launch children just as thousands of generations have done before us. We try to pass along what we can to those who inquire, but it seems that the human race likes to feel its way in the dark and make those mistakes and decisions on their own in search of the "right" way to raise a family and parent their own children for only they know what is best for their own offspring. We are constantly worrying if we are doing the right thing. We are in a state of constant turmoil over "time" and our family. There never seems to be enough money for all of the needs that lay before us in our children's future.
You know once they are gone the house seems strangely quite again, much like that 9 months of concentrated preparation and then a weight seems to be lifted off and you can breathe deeply again. It is only a temporary illusion however, because we never stop being a parent; the phone will ring with that familiar voice on the end in need of reassurance or counsel to know if they are doing the right thing and it begins all over again.
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