As this past weekend past and I watched the nightly news, what strikes me is that we seem to be living in a season of "uncertainty". Now I'd like to ask you if that is what you see, hear, and feel in your own world today?
How do you know that this is true?
On what do you base this feeling?
I would like to propose that this is a fabrication of your own thinking. So, let me just test the water here with a couple of questions to which I know you have the answers to.
This coming fall there will be a group of young adults who will be Seniors in High School; there will be a graduation come late spring. Is that certain or uncertain?
In the coming months women who are pregnant, will give birth to those babies. Is that certain or uncertain?
This coming summer, there will be marriages all over the country. Is this a certainty or uncertainty?
Every year there are thousands of families who will go bankrupt or loose their homes to foreclosure. Is this something that goes on every year or not?
Colleges graduate students each spring and summer and winter. Is this an on going process or is this not a certainty?
Every year millions of people complete their journey here on earth and pass on to death. Is this a certainty or is this an uncertainty?
Every year there are storms, volcanic eruptions, hurricanes, political upheaval, wars, celebrity meltdown, relationships which fail, leaders that disappoint their constituents, scandals, winners and losers in every business and aspect of daily life. Are these certainties or are these surprises to you?
You have always lived every moment of your life in the certainty that all of these will occur. Do you agree with this statement?
So where does this anxiety come from that you are somehow in the grips of something that you feel you MUST control?
If you are AWARE that these are the daily occurrences of life and they will not change for the most part, then be at peace with who you are and what you do in this world.
If you are willing to be a part of the accountability team which has no leader and works tirelessly without recognition to keep your own family, home, community safe, responsible for the resources on which you depend and keep a positive, supportive attitude of building up others instead of tearing down the fabric of life and using your most powerful tool, your actions, life will look very different for all of us.
If you do these first two items then you and your family and community will experience the freedom that we all seem to have forgotten. We each must take responsibility for things being the way they are in our lives, our communities and our families, and businesses. We also must recognize that nature will do what nature does and has been doing for millions of years, we are powerless to control something that is not controllable.
So let me ask you again; "Are you living in the jaws of uncertainty?" or "Are you living in the decisions that you have already made?"
I would like to ask you a very important question about how you "Measure" your life. I probably need to explain what I mean by measuring your life here.
When we get out of bed each morning we immediately go on "Auto Pilot". Our routine kicks in and we essentially go through the motions of daily living. Yes, there are days when our children wake up ill, we have a flat tire or some other normal thing happens which we usually perceive as ruining our day. I'm talking about "elevating" ones self to a place of "EXPERT" in every facet of life and business.
Many years ago I learned that to be an expert in any field we need to have on an average of 5 years of experience in constant exposure to some topic or activity in order to become an expert.
So what are you an expert in? No, not opinionated in, expert in. No, not dead set against something, expert in.
Have you made yourself the sole measure of things in life?
Are you measuring everyone and everything in your life against who you are and what you do?
This is a very dangerous place to be.
You probably know someone like this and you most likely hate them.
Hold up that mirror to your own face and see if that same person you dislike so much is reflected back.
What can you do to step back and down off of this judging platform you have elevated yourself to?
Acknowledge that you do not have all the answers. What you do have are words that come out like this: "…..it has been my experience in the past that………"
Acknowledge that you do not have the solutions. What you do have are these: "…….in my line of work, I see this day in and day out….." or "….in my work in the……..this is how I (or we) handle this situation………"
Do you hear how different those statements are than pontificating your wisdom or lack of wisdom on those who interact with you?
Today, change just one of your own "sole measuring" statements and see what a different response you get.
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I was recently made aware again of the brevity of life by the death that impacted someone close to me. As I offered my condolences, we discussed how as a society we are obsessed with youth and that we rarely if ever talk about death and our own death especially. As we talked I spoke about the word "Transition" and how when we encounter transition we always see it as a challenge, a problem, a hurdle if you will. We rarely see any transition as a natural part of the evolution of our own lives. Think about this for a moment. You have probably already been through many transitions in your own life.
You transitioned from the womb into the light of your own life with your first breath
You were in diapers and laying flat on your back and now you go to the bathroom all by yourself and walk
Elementary school gave way to middle school and that transitioned to High School and you exited into the big wide world
You didn't know how to drive and then you learned and then you learned what happens when you don't pay attention while driving
You once has a gorgeous tight body and through the years you have let things go and now look what you have
So you see we are all in a state of transition every moment of our lives.
Here are the "Seasons" of Life from my new book EVE Reclaim Your Power:
In the SPRING SEASON of your life you:
Young Single Adult
Married Young Adult
Divorced Young Adult
Just reading this brings up some dismay in some of you, I'm sure.
In the SUMMER SEASON of our life you:
Married Adult with children
Married Adult without children
Single Adult Parent with children
Single Adult Parent without children
I can hear you now…..each of these listings are very specific in their challenges and their transitional periods.
In the FALL SEASON of our lives we:
Married Adult – Empty Nester w/older adult children
Divorce Adult – Empty Nester w/older adult children
Single Adult
Married Adult with grandchildren
Single/divorced with grandchildren
Each of these is indeed a time when we feel like our lives have ended for sure if we have lived in the definition of what it means to be a "Mother" or to be a "Grandmother".
In the WINTER SEASON of our lives we:
Married Senior who is retired.
Divorced Senior who is retired.
Single Senior who is retired.
Widow/Widower
Another season with the harsh truth of reality that we all end our working careers and face the death of friends, siblings, partners and our own mortality.
Yet, we never seem to think about these "Transitional" periods in our lives until they are upon us. Yes, I know you have an IRA, but really have you mapped out how you are going to…….Yes,you may have savings to live off of when you reach that magic age, but have you run the numbers?…….
Knowing when these dates are for you is one way that you can plan for the time when that child will graduate and move away from home and suddenly in an instant your home feels big, empty and lonely. That same feeling grips us after divorce, a wedding, and a death. How many months or years do you have left to make an impact on your youngest child? How many months or years do you have left to build that retirement fund before you retire?
Transitions through the seasons of our lives are a natural part of living.
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