Several years ago I was doing some research on women and their friendships and I ran across a blog about "Friendships". The blog is: The World of Psychology and the title of the blog was: 10 Types of Female Friends and the post may be found here by Therese J. Borchard:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/12/01/the-10-types-of-female-friends/
To just briefly state the ten types of female friends:
1. The Leader
2. The Doormat
3. The Sacrificer
4. The Misery Lover
5. The User
6. The Frenemy
7. The Trophy Friend
8. The Mirroring Friend
9. The Sharer
10. The Authentic Friend
To give credit where credit is due this blog is siting Susan Shaprio Barash in her book entitled: Antidote for Women Stuck in Complicated Friendships.
Every single one of us knows each of these 10 women in our lives. Isn't that amazing? Life and Relationship male and female are very complicated and intertwined and we cannot live without friendships. We were made for "relating" to other human beings. When you haven't seen a friend in some time you have a hole, a feeling of something is missing, even if it is the "user" or the 'misery lover".
Let's put our questions to the test here, shall we?
Write out each of the ten friends on the list. If you have more than one (wow! you're heavy laden!), list them too.
Now next to each name run the questions:
What do I believe about_______________________________ ?
Where did I get that belief about her?
How do I know that this is true?
Do I really want to keep this belief or this person in my life?
What do I want to do right now?
Each of us lets fear well up inside of us until we are paralyzed. If are afraid to change anything so we avoid and then we have no plan of action because we are trapped in our own belief that we really do not want to hold.
I know people who have "life long friends"! What is that? As you may know, I spent my entire life from age 8 to the present day moving all over the world. "life long friends" – I wouldn't know what that is. I do have a great college friend who is probably the only long term friend I have ever had.
What about you? Do friendships come in and out of your life as you mature? You have a high school friend and then you went to college and that gradually ended. Then a college friend and you graduated and moved to take a job or get married and that had a natural ending. Then you moved and had children and your former neighbors who were friends, gradually faded away, your friends became your friends because they were the moms of your children's friends. Then you children left home and then who was still there? You see we evolve and so do our friends.
When our "family relationships" are just our friends, such as in our early 20's and 30's for the ceiling breakers our lives revolve around these 10. As we move through life these 10 change. We also gain a maturity that will no long tolerate some of them because they drain our lives.
What do you think about the relationships of friends?
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This is a loaded topic and there are as many opinions about it as there are people on earth, I would like to take another look at this most important of all our relationships in a new light.
I would really like you to think about the most important person in the world to you. Get a mental image or pull a photo of the person out right in front of you. Got it?
Now as you gaze into their eyes, look at the shape of their face, the color of their lips, how their hair lays on their head or how there may be no hair there, close your eyes and take a deep long inhalation and smell them. I bet your mouth has turned into a big smile and you may get a warm feeling or a little jump in your heart rate. That is what is real in your life, right at this moment. This person is precious. This person brings something very special into your life. Just feel how much power they have and they aren't even there.
Intimate relationships need to be cultivated daily or they die. Intimate relationships must be respected. If you hold on too tightly you strangle the very thing you love the most and drive them away to get free for a breath of fresh air. Intimate relationships take time to nurture and develop. There are steps, there is a process, when things are rushed, or steps are skipped, fulfillment is close behind, mistakes are made, feelings are hurt, there are expectations that are assumed which have not played out nor been spoken as of yet all leading to a steep downward spiral.
It is my observation and experience with clients that both parties are usually at fault. We become blinded in the moment or with the help of other stimulants and the rosie glow turns dark and foreboding.
We shelter ourselves, build walls, make up agreements and stories about everything and we become "professional victims" in our intimate relationships. We begin to fabricate real lies about who we are and what we look like.
Match.com states that 1 in 5 relationships begin on line for those ages 21 to 65. That tells me that people are desperate of connection and they will try anything to get it, even portraying themselves as someone they are not.
With our hands off approach to interpersonal relationships, opting for the technology we not employ 24-7 it's no wonder that relationships are in a state of decline and we are all searching desperately to connect.
Let's go back to our famous questions and you answer honestly now…..it's just you and technology here.
What do you believe about "Intimate Relationships"?
Where did you get that belief?
How does that belief serve you, fulfill you and lift you up today in your life?
If the answers are my intimate relationships do not not fulfill me, they do not lift me up nor do they serve me in a positive way TODAY…..then, maybe you might want to explore your belief.
No one is forcing you to stay in the relationship, only you can do that.
Only you can step out and re-evaluate what you want and do not want.
You are 100% responsible for what you believe, and how you live your life .
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Today I'd like to blog about the word "Spiritual" . In my programs "Spiritual" takes up residence in two places: one is as a foundational building block in your foundation and as a specific life area. We all have a belief of some kind and that may have a name, it may be a philosophy, or it may be that you have no belief in anything anywhere in your life. But, you still have a segmented part to your life where this resides. The fact that you think about it, push back about it, step into it and embrace it by participation is a clear sign that it is in your life, carries energy with it and that you have compartmentalized it intellectually.
So let me ask you: What is the belief you hold today around "Spirituality"?
When you think back, where did that come from?
When was the last time you examined what you believe in parallel with your today and where you are in life?
If you find it hard to answer these questions or you have strong push back, it is time for a new inquiry and research into this area of your life. It isn't something to dread, it is a huge world to explore. You know by exploring, you can really plant your feet firmly on what you do not believe and what is incongruent with who you are. Knowing what is not you is very important.
As you hone in on what begins to resonant with you internally, ask yourself, what is it that fills my soul about this belief. If there are multifacets to the belief explore those until you feel warm and really good inside about being with others who share that same space.
You will be amazed how up lifting this can be and how it can fill some of the emptiness that has plagued you for some time.
What do you believe about Spirituality?
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